You’ll forget the sun in his jealous sky

You’ll remember me when the west wind moves
Upon the fields of barley
You’ll forget the sun in his jealous sky
As we walk in the fields of gold

So she took her love
For to gaze awhile
Upon the fields of barley
In his arms she fell as her hair came down
Among the fields of gold

Will you stay with me, will you be my love
Among the fields of barley
Well forget the sun in his jealous sky
As we lie in the fields of gold

See the west wind move like a lover so
Upon the fields of barley
Feel her body rise when you kiss her mouth
Among the fields of gold
I never made promises lightly
And there have been some that Ive broken
But I swear in the days still left
Well walk in the fields of gold
Well walk in the fields of gold

Many years have passed since those summer days
Among the fields of barley
See the children run as the sun goes down
Among the fields of gold
You’ll remember me when the west wind moves
Upon the fields of barley
You can tell the sun in his jealous sky
When we walked in the fields of gold
When we walked in the fields of gold
When we walked in the fields of gold

Fields of Gold - Sting

LoveTrust and psycho-cinematic experiences

Love and trust are synonymous, at least for me. However, I never really had to test that rule until recently ( or maybe I have and it just hadn’t been so major) when I realized that perhaps I tend to disproportionately equate the two.

And I find that I don’t have a problem with it. I could even say it’s what gets me through life, sometimes. That I can think hey, its ok, I love that person so I trust them with this. Can the two ever be separate? And if they can be, is that a good thing? Second guessing a person.. that used to come easily to me. Now, not so much. And I like that. I like that my love blinds me. That there is a softer landing pad. That’s ironic though. The rose tinted glasses, a state I love being in.

People forget to feel what they are meant to feel, no matter what lays in store for them. The constant fear that the person you love is going to betray you? Yeah, it’s a possibility. But you are, in essence, betraying them by being paranoid about it. And I realized that my pre-conceived notions of myself are breaking, one by one, every day. It’s like I watch myself in a movie, trying to guess what my next action will be and then what I do in the movie completely surprises the audience me. The distancing ? It’s a fun game to play while taking a break from reality.

And while we’re on the subject of reality..

If my life was actually a movie I wouldn’t want it to be a romantic comedy, although I love to watch all the time. There’s no room for realness. There’s room for heartwrenching dialogues that you wished someone would say to you. There’s room for happy endings, for perfect movie kisses and immaculately groomed characters.

No, my life isn’t a movie. My lines aren’t scripted by anyone but me, and sometimes I doubt even if I have any real say over what I, well, say. But there are moments when I get my heart melting dialogues. And my happy-ending-to-situations. And the best part is?

It’s all real life.

Say It Right and my full stop fetish, and a list.

There’s just something about this song.

You know it’s just one of those songs that you hear for the first time and you think – woah. Except that happens every time I listen to this song! I know it isn’t something great on the lyrics front but this song just has that thing that makes me feel better no matter what mood I’m in.

It’s official. Say It Right is MY song!

Italics are so much fun. I think they( it?) are much more expressive than any stupid punctuation mark. Although never underestimate the power of a full stop.. It’s the best.

Period.

And because I feel like listing, here’s a random list of things I absolutely love:

In between the rapid flipping of pages..

(04:19:18 PM) me: you are just confused
(04:19:25 PM) me: as to why he’s doing this
(04:19:28 PM) me: and that hurts
(04:19:35 PM) me: because you thought you understood the way he ticks
(04:19:50 PM) me: and besides smart women don’t like 2 year olds
(04:21:51 PM) friend: true true true
(04:21:57 PM) friend: i thought he was different.
(04:22:00 PM) me: ah
(04:22:02 PM) me: that line
(04:22:05 PM) me: :)
(04:22:18 PM) friend: yes.

The number of times I’ve heard the “I thought he was different” line. And the number of times I have thought it myself. Always said in resigned anguish.Accompanied by a little sigh and a hopeful gaze thats hoping the other person will say “but he is”.

But he never is!

Or is he?

Goodbye.

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Before you ask: yes, I cried.

Although this may seem a bit random, I loved the weather during my last few days. Selfishly, it suited how I was feeling and it made me feel like everything around me was saying goodbye..

The last three days or so were spent writing long letters to everyone in class, and taking one billion pictures. I also went and visited each of my classrooms in elementary school, and took pictures with most of my old teachers. I went to the Junior Library, where I had spent so much of my time discovering the Little Men books, The Famous Five, The Baby Sitters Club, Sweet Valley Twins, and finally Nancy Drew before I moved to the big library on the other side of the campus. I visited the Western Music Room, and nothing had changed, not even songs the teacher (who taught me) was teaching the class that was in session then!

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The playground. I looked at the wooden bridge that I would look at when I was younger and wish that I was taller so I could duck under it ( which in my 6-year-old mind signified that I had “grown up”). I looked at the slide with its lovely green railings, which was always the more preferable way of getting down compared to the “Batman Pole”. I looked at the large rubber tyres, and remembered the game we used to play where one person handled the “controls” (imaginary of course) and another would spin the person in the tyre depending on the “speed” they chose ( slow, medium, fast, extra fast).

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And then there was Senior School. Our beloved Cherry Tree had to be unfortunately chopped down because of an infestation of termites, so our usual hangout spot during classes felt bare and open. I walked down the corridor that led from my locker to the classes, and it struck me that I will never be able to stop and chat with people while making my way to class again.

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Clearing out my locker, for the last time , was an emotional ordeal. My locker (like my room) was always a perpetual mess, yet I always knew exactly where which book was. While pulling out stuff, I found a number of notes (which had been passed during those put-you-to-sleep lessons) and it hurt to think I would never be able to pass another note during Socio class again..


“Welcome to the real world”, she said to me
Condescendingly
Take a seat
Take your life
Plot it out in black and white

“No Such Thing” by John Mayer

Two days to go..

Brrr it’s cold!

Anyway so I’m looking at my last two days of school . Time seems to be flying quickly, with all of us quietly (ok actually not so quietly) absorbing every possible moment left with each other. Without doubt, these past two years have been my best at this school. I learned that with a great bunch of friends, even the dreariest of times are livened up. My class, consisting of 20 girls and 2 guys.. well we all had our trying times. Heartbreaks galore, but we had each others shoulder’s to cry on and that made everything seem better. A lot of my friends tell me that I’ve changed a lot since I first met them, and it’s true. I was the “non-hugger”, the “non poser for pictures” . Look at recent pictures of me, and you can tell that has definitely changed!

The senti stuff is going to pour out, but I’ll save it for Thursday..

And you cannot find what road to choose

When the daylight’s gone and you’re on your own
And you need a friend just to be around
I will comfort you, I will take your hand
And I’ll pull you through, I will understand

And you know that

I’ll be at your side, there’s no need to worry
Together we’ll survive through the haste and hurry
I’ll be at your side
If you feel like you’re alone, and you’ve nowhere to turn
I’ll be at your side

If life’s standing still and your soul’s confused
And you cannot find what road to choose
If you make mistakes (make mistakes)
You can’t let me down (let me down)
I will still believe (still believe)
I will turn around

And you know that

I’ll be at your side, there’s no need to worry
Together we’ll survive through the haste and hurry
I’ll be at your side
If you feel like you’re alone, and you’ve nowhere to turn
I’ll be at your side

I’ll be at your side
I’ll be at your side
You know that

I’ll be at your side, there’s no need to worry
Together we’ll survive through the haste and hurry
I’ll be at your side
If you feel like you’re alone, you’ve got somewhere to go,
‘Cos I’m right there
I’ll be at your side, I’ll be right there for you
(Together we’ll survive) through the haste and hurry
I’ll be at your side
If you feel like you’re alone, you’ve got somewhere to go,
‘Cos I’m at your side

I’ll be right there for you
I’ll be right there for you, yeah
I’m right at your side

At Your Side by The Corrs

Daddy, play that song again!

I want to break free
I want to break free
I want to break free from your lies
Youre so self satisfied I dont need you
Ive got to break free
God knows God knows I want to break free

Ive fallen in love
Ive fallen in love for the first time
And this time I know its for real
Ive fallen in love yeah
God knows God knows Ive fallen in love

Its strange but its true
I cant get over the way you love me like you do
But I have to be sure
When I walk out that door
Oh how I want to be free baby
Oh how I want to be free
Oh how I want to break free

But life still goes on
I cant get used to living without living without
Living without you by my side
I dont want to live alone hey
God knows got to make it on my own
So baby cant you see
Ive got to break free

Ive got to break free
I want to break free yeah

I want I want I want I want to break free…

- “I Want To Break Free” by Queen

One of my favorite songs since I was a kid. I can listen to it over and over and over again!