Love and trust are synonymous, at least for me. However, I never really had to test that rule until recently ( or maybe I have and it just hadn’t been so major) when I realized that perhaps I tend to disproportionately equate the two.
And I find that I don’t have a problem with it. I could even say it’s what gets me through life, sometimes. That I can think hey, its ok, I love that person so I trust them with this. Can the two ever be separate? And if they can be, is that a good thing? Second guessing a person.. that used to come easily to me. Now, not so much. And I like that. I like that my love blinds me. That there is a softer landing pad. That’s ironic though. The rose tinted glasses, a state I love being in.
People forget to feel what they are meant to feel, no matter what lays in store for them. The constant fear that the person you love is going to betray you? Yeah, it’s a possibility. But you are, in essence, betraying them by being paranoid about it. And I realized that my pre-conceived notions of myself are breaking, one by one, every day. It’s like I watch myself in a movie, trying to guess what my next action will be and then what I do in the movie completely surprises the audience me. The distancing ? It’s a fun game to play while taking a break from reality.
And while we’re on the subject of reality..
If my life was actually a movie I wouldn’t want it to be a romantic comedy, although I love to watch all the time. There’s no room for realness. There’s room for heartwrenching dialogues that you wished someone would say to you. There’s room for happy endings, for perfect movie kisses and immaculately groomed characters.
No, my life isn’t a movie. My lines aren’t scripted by anyone but me, and sometimes I doubt even if I have any real say over what I, well, say. But there are moments when I get my heart melting dialogues. And my happy-ending-to-situations. And the best part is?
It’s all real life.
