When I began to watch Masterchef Australia (Season 2) on television, my mother looked at me with surprise and said, ”But you don’t even show any interest in cooking! And you hate the cookery shows I watch during lunch time!” (She would know. Lets just say, battles have been fought over this!) Anyway, I became an ardent fan of Masterchef NOT because it’s a ‘show about cooking’ but it’s a show that concentrates on the food itself, on the challenges that contestants face and the learning that takes place. So when I saw the advertisements for Masterchef India, I shuddered. And when I saw who the judge (well technically, he’s one of 3 judges but of course he has to be ”the main judge”) was, I shuddered even more.

Last night, the first episode of Masterchef India aired on Star Plus, and it was so much worse than I’d imagined :

- Since when does India translate into North and West India? Producers, have you heard that there people in this country who live south of Mumbai and east of Delhi who are also Indians? Check that out sometime.

- The show, as expected, applied the ‘Indian Idol’ style of overhead shots of long, snaking lines of people screaming ‘IMGOINGTOBETHEMASTERCHEFINDIA’ occasionally interjected with ‘AKKI I LOVE YOU’. Yes, aunty, that’s the reason you should enter this show. For Akshay Kumar.

- The show insisted on concentrating on the personal lives of the ‘contestants’. I’m not disrespecting the fact that some of them may have faced a lot of hurdles, but unless that had any relevance to their love for cooking, how does that matter? You want us to feel sorry for you, there’s apparently a show called Rakhi ka Insaaf that might help.

- The lighting and shots used. What are they thinking!? At least try to make the food look appealing! I’m sure some of it tastes good, so why use harsh white light and clumsy framing to make it look the opposite?

- Reality show therefore MUST concentrate on the tears. Apparently this one is written in stone somewhere cause I definitely saw more tears than food last night. And no, I’m not including my own tears of frustration.

- The 3 ‘judges’. One cooked in Bangkok and two are chefs. Akshay obviously is supposed to be good cop, while the other two alternate between bad cop and confused cop.

- The music and background score. Sounds like ‘Aahat’ and ‘Fear Factor’ most of the time. Let’s not forget the ‘dhadam, dhadam, dhadam’ from the K Serials while the camera concentrates on a contestant when he/she stands around with a nervous/irate/*insert choice of emotion here* expression on the face

- And last, but not least, Mr. Khiladi. It’s quite obvious that he’s going to be playing the star card very often, and make the show about him rather than the food.