It’s only been a couple of months since school officially “finished”, and already it seems staying in touch is the hardest thing. Obviously, I was one of those people who believed that she would be in constant communication with ok, if not all her friends, then maybe at least the ones who it was possible to stay in touch with. I’m not even saying the ones that “deserve” to be in touch with because to me it seems thats claiming a part of their lives that was easy to give to me when we were able to see each other everyday.

It’s not like I’ve forgotten our little rituals that took place almost without me consciously noticing they had become rituals: walks to the blue fence, “water” breaks that ended up being chatting sessions while we leaned against the lockers, the corner in the class near the shelves that always brought out the deepest darkest secrets. Who can forget the the angled corner of the granite that lay below the (nowgoneistillcantbelieveitomg) cherry tree. And the spot against the other blue fence, opposite our favorite cluster of the trees-with-the-green-almond-bomb fruit.

But somehow I feel the time for long and sad goodbyes has come and gone, and simply dragging it out makes it only more painful. Sometimes I wake up in the mornings wishing that I was going to school (well just for all the reasons except the learning bit), but most mornings I wake up with a feeling of “getting on” with life. I’ve made my share of mistakes in this whole “getting out of school while still remaining the tightest of friends” tango. It’s a strange phase in our lives, and what makes it all the more difficult is the fact that it affects us, the old us, the us that was always comfortable with talking of other people’s relationships and other people’s distancing. But now it feels like I have to make a choice (and this will like everything else I say sound highly exaggerated) between doing new things, and wishing I was still there in the midst of that grey-white-granite-ness, casually strolling from my locker to class with a friend beside me laughing over some comment that sounded perfectly right in my head, but so glaringly wrong when I said it out loud!

I don’t think there’s a resolution to this feeling. Maybe one day staying in touch wont matter to me so much, I can’t say. But for now, while I know it does, I just want to be able to say that hey, I miss you too and no, I haven’t forgotten what it felt like to be a part of us.