I know that I really need to be writing more often, but I suppose this is what happens if writing is a major part of your day job! Also, this is what happens when you get used to restricting yourself to 140 characters *glares at a certain micro-blogging site*
I’m officially a graduate!
Now I can dispense college-related advice 
I might say things like ..
When I began to watch Masterchef Australia (Season 2) on television, my mother looked at me with surprise and said, ”But you don’t even show any interest in cooking! And you hate the cookery shows I watch during lunch time!” (She would know. Lets just say, battles have been fought over this!) Anyway, I became an ardent fan of Masterchef NOT because it’s a ‘show about cooking’ but it’s a show that concentrates on the food itself, on the challenges that contestants face and the learning that takes place. So when I saw the advertisements for Masterchef India, I shuddered. And when I saw who the judge (well technically, he’s one of 3 judges but of course he has to be ”the main judge”) was, I shuddered even more.
Last night, the first episode of Masterchef India aired on Star Plus, and it was so much worse than I’d imagined :
- Since when does India translate into North and West India? Producers, have you heard that there people in this country who live south of Mumbai and east of Delhi who are also Indians? Check that out sometime.
- The show, as expected, applied the ‘Indian Idol’ style of overhead shots of long, snaking lines of people screaming ‘IMGOINGTOBETHEMASTERCHEFINDIA’ occasionally interjected with ‘AKKI I LOVE YOU’. Yes, aunty, that’s the reason you should enter this show. For Akshay Kumar.
- The show insisted on concentrating on the personal lives of the ‘contestants’. I’m not disrespecting the fact that some of them may have faced a lot of hurdles, but unless that had any relevance to their love for cooking, how does that matter? You want us to feel sorry for you, there’s apparently a show called Rakhi ka Insaaf that might help.
- The lighting and shots used. What are they thinking!? At least try to make the food look appealing! I’m sure some of it tastes good, so why use harsh white light and clumsy framing to make it look the opposite?
- Reality show therefore MUST concentrate on the tears. Apparently this one is written in stone somewhere cause I definitely saw more tears than food last night. And no, I’m not including my own tears of frustration.
- The 3 ‘judges’. One cooked in Bangkok and two are chefs. Akshay obviously is supposed to be good cop, while the other two alternate between bad cop and confused cop.
- The music and background score. Sounds like ‘Aahat’ and ‘Fear Factor’ most of the time. Let’s not forget the ‘dhadam, dhadam, dhadam’ from the K Serials while the camera concentrates on a contestant when he/she stands around with a nervous/irate/*insert choice of emotion here* expression on the face
- And last, but not least, Mr. Khiladi. It’s quite obvious that he’s going to be playing the star card very often, and make the show about him rather than the food.
It’s been a while like I felt like this. Filled with negative energy, I might say.
Usually this is the point where I burst into an angst filled poem that never manages to be read by the intended recipient. I can’t very well go up to someone and say here, I wrote you this and proceed to watch as their face contorts into a question mark, can I? What would YOU do if some crazy girl wrote a hate poem about you huh? And no, it is NOT flattering/romantic/cute.
I remember once not-so-long-ago a freaky-yet-potentionally-harmless-boy told me that he named a character after me in his story. I didn’t wait to find out what “she” was like, or what happened to “her”. I kind of.. fled. The fact is, it’s disturbing to think about the way someone else sees you.
But it’s more disturbing to see yourself as you, right? Who is you, anyway? Isn’t that frightening? Are you the girl who listens to a certain type of music? (I’ve got Spice Girls’ “Viva Forever” playing right now, don’t judge me!) Or are you the girl who treats herself to the glass of ice tea from the stall near the college gate everyday? But all these conceptions of “me-ness” are mine, they aren’t yours. This one little trait you actually might find adorable, but then unless I reveal it to you, you’d never know and your entire perception of “me-ness” and your subsequent judgment (I know, Spice Girls, I know) might rest on this little missing piece of “me-ness” that you haven’t encountered.
And then your way of seeing ME is totally not fair.
It’s amazing how judgemental I’ve become lately. That may sound a little smug, but really, it is the truth. Sometimes it feels like I’m pushing againt a stone wall, thats set in it’s ways. A wall I have to scale eventually, and I want to be close to doing that.
College is college. I may have become bitchier, but restraint is a quality I’ve learnt to appreciate a heck of a lot. Glaring holes in the tapestry, the thread is wearing away and maybe I feel like tugging at a loose end just to watch the whole thing unravel, but that will happen on its own if I wait long enough. We all love watching people get put in their places, but I know it will be my turn soon. There are so many chances to slip up, to let go of something thats been in my reach all this while, and now suddenly that need to retain that sense of being me in this class of immensely talented individuals is overwhelming, even if its only in my head.
Often, judgement feels like the only thing thats mine anymore. That the words in my head are in their safest place, where nobody can get at them but me. I guess that’s why there hasn’t been much blogging lately.
Self, always remember at the end of the day, I am still that girl who prefers to sit in the far left corner of the room, but censorship will get me nowhere.
“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.” – Douglas Adams
So am I happy where I am ?
I think I always will be. It irritates me to no end when I hear about people who got into one college, paid for the seat and even attended a few classes and then decide “I don’t like it” and then leave. Are you even thinking about the numerous people who were in line for the same seat, and the chance you denied them?
College has taken me away from so many things. People, places, routines. Sometimes my phone rings, and I know it’s another “hiii how are you? how’s college? hows the boyfriend? ok so we’re all meeting at x at 9pm so be there ok? byeee” call and I think to myself – do I really want to meet these people? I remember all the times I begged and cried for permission to go to one of these “social” events where everybody dressed far older than their actual age, and then everybody was starving but nobody said a word because it was soo cool to eat at like 11 30 pm after getting “drunk” on a Breezer. And then, after to going to a few of these, I would pretend like I had a great time when actually I was still starving( because of course, I had to leave before dinner was served since I had a curfew) , and my feet hurt like crazy.
I know it’s changed by now. Dinner probably isn’t served at all, and the alcohol has gotten stronger. And don’t get me wrong – I love to listen to all the after party stories of how x got so drunk she puked all over y, and how z caught her boyfriend a making out with b, and dear god what WAS d wearing!? I have the post-party Facebook pictures for that
There might come a time when I enjoy the party scene, who knows. But right now, it’s kind of a regressive situation! Right now, my idea of a good time involves GOOD FOOD, people actually eating the good food, and actually genuinely having a conversation with a friend that doesn’t involve the furious scrutinizing of what the other person is wearing while trying to plaster an obviously fake smile on your face while you say – “ooh my god I’ve missed you soooooooooooooo much!”