Category Archives: Loves

BooksBeatlesBlah

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I’m listening to “If I Fell” by The Beatles on repeat. This song is fast replacing “While My Guitar Gently Weeps” as my all-time favorite Beatles song. And you know interestingly, I heard somewhere that “While My Guitar Gently Weeps” was written for Patti Boyd, Harrison’s first wife. Another great who I share my birthday with played lead guitar on the album version of the song, and also wrote “Layla” for the same woman! And the acoustic version of “Layla” is currently my ringtone.

Yes, I love complicated connections :)

I’m reading lots of chic lit, as usual. Ranging from Charlotte Bronte’s Jane Eyre ( for college – and ok so it’s not exactly chic lit heh) to Advaitha Kala’s Almost Single (hated it), and right now Sophie Kinsella’s “Shopaholic Takes Manhattan”. I’m desperately looking for this book called “Marrying Anita”  by Anita Jain that I’ve been hearing good reviews about, but I’ve looked everywhere and simply can’t find it.

Nothing seems to live up to Zoya :(

I need to invest in a decent bookshelf.

Oh and did quite ok in my first semester examination, and earned a bit of cash so I’m pretty proud of myself.

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And now the loops are reminiscing
Recurring dreams of minor chords
Metered time
Muted chimes find the beat
-Maria Taylor “Song Beneath the Song”

It feels like I can breathe again.

It might be the rain, or the fact that I’m lying on my bed listening to it. Or just that I have nowhere to be except here right now. I have nobody to be with right at this moment but myself.

There are times when I long for moments like these. When the light, and the pace of everything is right, is blended into now. When the words flow easily. When I have time to think what I am thinking, and to think about thinking about something else, just because I can.

I can fall asleep now, if I want to. Or lie wide awake, just the same.

It’s the middle of the week, I’m in love, and it’s raining.

The Zoya Factor

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So I finished ‘The Zoya Factor’ by Anuja Chauhan from start to end today. I absolutly loved it. Each and every moment of it!

I fell in love with Nikhil Khoda right at the start. It’s been a while since I’ve actually sat down and read a book, and Nikhil Khoda’s character was so worth it! I have history when it comes to falling for Indian cricket captains!

Definitely a good, fun read!

Continue reading →

Grey

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I feel like a card board cut-out. Two dimensional.

Of who, I don’t know. Myself maybe. I’m tired, so tired every moment. And before you say “It’s because you don’t eat breakfast” no, not that kind of tired. I find myself running from class to class, lecture to lecture, womenwomenwomenwomenwomenwomen all around. My legs just carry me around without me knowing where I am going, just that I have to be someplace. Like I’m on auto-pilot.

Exactly a month ago, I started college. And I just realized that I was probably holding my breath this whole time wondering if someone was going to stop me and say ‘ok time to get back to real life now’ . And then whoosh I would find myself back at school, back in the corridors, back with my school friends and back with the familiar faces all around me.

Do I still want that? Familiar has a new meaning now. Familiar is now brown and cream. Familiar now is the college song, the canteen, the sloping driveways, the notice boards, the three flights of stairs I have to walk to psychology class. Familiar is the wooden benches, the comfort of the studio. Familiar now is ma’am.

I looked at a picture today, and I miss it all. I miss knowing I’d find a seat on the bus. I miss knowing that the bus would arrive on time. I miss knowing that I didn’t have keep track of which stop, that I could sit wherever I pleased. I miss knowing attendance would be taken only twice a day, and not six times. I miss being able to walk into the library any time I wanted to, and borrow anything I liked.

But I’m not holding my breath anymore. Faces are blurry. Schedules are fuzzy. Voices are faint.

I’m in the grey space. The ‘adjusting period’. There’s an explanation to everything.

Madness

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Give in, go on. Don’t be scared – it’s not going anywhere. Run, as far as you can. And stop. The feeling, it’s still there right?

See. I told you.

Not convinced yet? Ok try this.Hold your breath. No, really hold your breath. Until you think your lungs are going to burst out of your rib cage. Until you think, no actually feel, your face going blue. Now breathe. Did it go anywhere? It didn’t!

Face it. It’s here to stay.

(You can wipe that silly grin off your face now)

“First Commercial, then Brigade”

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I’ve been shopping so much in the past two weeks ! And mostly shoe shopping :) I bought three pairs of “rocksters” ( yes I know everyones been buying those but they are so pretty!) in black, silver and PINK. Well see normally I’m the kind of girl who does her homework in advance when it comes to buying what she wants – which means I ask around, who got the best price from where etc and then I just go to that one store and pick up whatever it is I wanted. Of course, this method applies to only when I KNOW what I want, as opposed to “I’m bored ..wheee lets go shopping !” For the record that happens about in once in 18 years. Seriously. I mean it.

Ok coming back to the pink rocksters – well they were too pretty to resist. I’d originally planned to buy them in functional colours i.e black and silver but the second I laid my eyes on those pink ones hanging in that little galli-shop off Commercial Street (which is where you get them, for those interested) I knew I had to have them ! Now I just have to find something to wear them with – ah, the difficulties of life !

I also bought my first pair of All-Star Converse shoes in navy blue. I kept meaning to buy them over the last two years, and I never got around to doing so! Except they give me a horrible shoe bite, so I’ll have to find some way of getting past that.

If you’re tearing your hair out after reading about my shoe shopping.. When Geetanjali Chitnis goes shopping ( especially on Brigade Road) there is always a trip to a bookstore involved! And this time, to three bookstores. Crossword was my first destination – I wanted to pick up a journal in handmade paper (top secret purposes) and I wanted to pick up a copy of Emma and Persuasion. But then I ran through most of my ‘finances’ buying pretty stationary, so I had to settle on choosing between one of the books. And I wanted Persuasion more than I wanted Emma. But as my luck would have it, Crossword had Persuasion only in a combination with Northanger Abbey, which I already own. So that led to trips to The Bookworm (which also didn’t have Persuasion) and finally, Blossom’s (which did). So yay, now I have Persuasion, the last of Jane Austen’s completed works to be published !

The beauty of second hand books is the inscriptions you sometimes find on the inside of the book jacket :) There was one on the inside of the copy of Persuasion, from a daughter to her mother. The inscription is dated ‘Xmas 1987′ – three years before I was born! I don’t know, I just love knowing that books have their own stories – apart from the one that is printed inside them.

Oh and I forgot to mention – somewhere in between the shopping was a stop at (where else ?) KFC!

Darcy.

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Mr. Darcy: You must know… surely, you must know it was all for you. You are too generous to trifle with me. I believe you spoke with my aunt last night, and it has taught me to hope as I’d scarcely allowed myself before. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes have not changed, but one word from you will silence me forever. If, however, your feelings have changed, I will have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on.

“Will you (still) want to make fraindship with me?”

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It’s only been a couple of months since school officially “finished”, and already it seems staying in touch is the hardest thing. Obviously, I was one of those people who believed that she would be in constant communication with ok, if not all her friends, then maybe at least the ones who it was possible to stay in touch with. I’m not even saying the ones that “deserve” to be in touch with because to me it seems thats claiming a part of their lives that was easy to give to me when we were able to see each other everyday.

It’s not like I’ve forgotten our little rituals that took place almost without me consciously noticing they had become rituals: walks to the blue fence, “water” breaks that ended up being chatting sessions while we leaned against the lockers, the corner in the class near the shelves that always brought out the deepest darkest secrets. Who can forget the the angled corner of the granite that lay below the (nowgoneistillcantbelieveitomg) cherry tree. And the spot against the other blue fence, opposite our favorite cluster of the trees-with-the-green-almond-bomb fruit.

But somehow I feel the time for long and sad goodbyes has come and gone, and simply dragging it out makes it only more painful. Sometimes I wake up in the mornings wishing that I was going to school (well just for all the reasons except the learning bit), but most mornings I wake up with a feeling of “getting on” with life. I’ve made my share of mistakes in this whole “getting out of school while still remaining the tightest of friends” tango. It’s a strange phase in our lives, and what makes it all the more difficult is the fact that it affects us, the old us, the us that was always comfortable with talking of other people’s relationships and other people’s distancing. But now it feels like I have to make a choice (and this will like everything else I say sound highly exaggerated) between doing new things, and wishing I was still there in the midst of that grey-white-granite-ness, casually strolling from my locker to class with a friend beside me laughing over some comment that sounded perfectly right in my head, but so glaringly wrong when I said it out loud!

I don’t think there’s a resolution to this feeling. Maybe one day staying in touch wont matter to me so much, I can’t say. But for now, while I know it does, I just want to be able to say that hey, I miss you too and no, I haven’t forgotten what it felt like to be a part of us.